Rainbow Lights ♥♥♥

"Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen!"  Michael Jordan

As many of you know in September 2011 my father in law passed away from CLL, a form of Cancer. He had been in remission for 7 years but was re diagnosed in February of 2011. He was only with us for a short time after he was re diagnosed but we lived everyone of those days to fullest! Last year John's cousin Erin, my father in laws niece, was diagnosed with SLL/CLL.

Last year Erin's sisters started a group called, Rainbow lights, for the Light The Night Cancer walk to raise money for cancer research. https://www.facebook.com/ltnprairies This is a link to the page The group was even featured on the page on Feb 18th for having a goal of $3000 last year but raising $26,000! That's more than triple the goal! Such an amazing accomplishment!! :D :D

This year a goal of $30,000 has been set to be raised by the walk that will be held at the end of the year!! So I have decided, seeing as I spend 90% of my time at home with Anya right now, that I am going to help them reach the goal they have set this year and would like YOU to help me too!! 

I am looking for companies (any company) to donate items so that I can make a basket (hoping more then one) that we can sell raffle tickets for with all proceeds going toward the $30,000 for cancer research!! Items can be anything, even gift cards, as long as it is new and unused! If you would like to donate an item please send me an email and we can arrange to have to sent to me or if your local I can pick it up or it can be dropped of! I will also give you all other details and answer  whatever questions you may have. My email is mandie5683@gmail.com

Please if you know someone who many be interested in donating and helping this amazing cause please share this!! And dont forget this is also an awesome way to spread some news about your business! I will advertise your business with a blog post for people so they know what they are getting! 

TOGETHER WE CAN KICK CANCERS BUTT!!! 

"Dream it, Believe it, Achieve it!" Unknown

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Make a Mess ♥ Guest post by Erin♥♥

My husband and I bought a 4 bedroom house when we were childless with every intention of filling it.  When I slow down and look at the gifts my older daughter, Q, has given us, I see she has turned this "house" into a "home."  It sounds very cliché, but after seeing her have a non-febrile seizure one evening, I see it for exactly what it is.  Windows don't just let light in, they are looking glasses to finding the moon, peeking at rain or snow storms and waiting for mommy or daddy or Nana to arrive.  The area rug in our family room doesn't just "anchor" the room, it provides a cushiony spot between hardwood and bums for sitting and playing…or spilling cheese, milk, juice, and crumbs of every variety. 
 In fact, all carpet is meant for play, whether it be rolling on, wrestling on, or being tickled by her favourite play mate, her daddy.  Shiny stainless steel can't last 15 mins after being cleaned without smudges and tiny handprints…I love those tiny hands.  We started out with one nursery and a guest bedroom but now we are blessed with TWO little girl, princess rooms.  My walls are marked, my hardwood is dented, all of my cooking utensils or kitchen accessories that are at Q's level have been licked, yes, licked at some point and put back by her, without washing.  My house is my home.  It is where little feet run, and adventures and fun happen.  I don't give a damn about late nights out or people who are too "busy" to visit.  I am here, living my dream and my door is always open for the people who are real and love me and can appreciate what I'm doing here.  I don't need weekends away for a "break."  As crazy, hectic, exhausting child-rearing is, I didn't decide to take it on to leave it behind.  I am, will be, always be, here for my children during the night as long as they need me for comfort.  It is my promise to be "present" for them, and I love to breathe them in and re-live the adventure of being innocent.  Life to so beautiful when you stop and look at how simple it really is, and listen to your child breathe in and out as they sleep.  Today, I am a more devoted mom, writing this in hopes that you will take the time today to just play, and not worry about the smudges, the crumbs, and the new dent in your wall.  All this can be fixed when they grow-up.  ~Erin Burgoyne 

  

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Amazing Mom ♥♥

"Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn't know you had, and dealing with fears you didn't know existed" Linda Wooten

Since becoming a mom I have learned a lot about myself and a lot about things I thought I already knew. I have always thought I knew the kind of mom I wanted to be, until I started spending lots of time with two people who I hold very near to my heart! One is my friend Lisa and the other is my sister in law Melanie (Mel).

Ive known Lisa for about 5 years, way before we both had kids, we met cause we worked together and immediately became friends! Lisa is my friend that helped me stop dwelling on the past and focus on today. Lisa is my kind hearted free spirited friend! I love Lisa for many reasons but I love her most because she is an amazing mom!!

Lisa is an amazing mom and showed me a completely different way or parenting (I will ask her to share her view on parenting)! Lisa has a sweet little two year old and her newest addition a baby girl a month younger then Anya. I love that one of my best friends has a baby with me by the way! Lisa is a kind hearted free spirited mom. Lisa has taught me that I can never show Anya to much love. She's taught me that growing Anya's heart is just as important as developing her brain. She's shown me how to grow a kind hearted free spirited little girl! She's taught me how to be a relaxed (most of the time lol) mom and that it's ok to just go with the flow sometimes! Lisa has shown me exactly how to be an amazing mom!! I can't wait to watch our girls grow and develop together!! 

Now Mel, Mel is one of the most amazing people I know! I've know Mel, well since I've been with John and I have watched her teach and grow these three beautiful children! My niece and nephews are some of the smartest most amazing, caring, and loving kids I know! I feel blessed that I was able to watch Mel with her kids and learn so much from her! I too love Mel for many reasons but most of all because she is an amazing mom!

Mel is a busy mom, always on the go and keeping the kids busy. Mel has taught me that having a schedule sometimes makes life way easier. She's taught me that structure and routine helps kids strive in life. Mel has taught me that rules and guidelines also show your children just how much you love them. But most of all Mel has taught me how to be a strong mom and wife! Mel has showed me that a mom is the foundation of a family. She has taught me that being strong for your family is just as important as everything else you do for them! Mel has been through so much as a mom (maybe she will share one day) but has always stayed strong for her husband and her kids! I am so beyond thankful that Anya has the chance to grow up with her cousins and learn the amazing morals and values Mel has instilled in her children. I am so thankful that Mel too has taught me how to be an amazing mom!

I can only hope that Anya grows to be as beautiful, kind hearted, and loving as Lisa and Mel's kids. Watching them both I have learned two very different ways of parenting and have taken them both and applied them to my now everyday life! I am so thankful to be blessed with these two very amazing mom's and to have them in my life! ♥♥

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10 weeks before and 30 weeks later ♥ Guest post by Santana

Is it normal or unique to be living my life worried this way every day? Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy with my life. I am grateful for everything I have. The good things, the not so good things, the easy things and the hard ones, I appreciate having them all. But every day that it gets closer I get even more scared. Not of life or reality, but of it not being real. I worry every day that it’s just some long, lucid, drawn out dream. I have had them before. Some short, some long, but always ending the same way. I am having an incredible beautiful dream of having a baby inside of me, or in my arms. I feel the true feelings of bliss and happiness from my innermost dream finally coming true. I am holding this beautiful child, smiling and laughing, or crying from happiness. But it would always end the same. The alarm is ringing and I wake up. I am ripped from that bright blissful and happy moment. I am brutally torn from my warm and happy place. The violent force into reality stings. I lay there with my eyes still closed. The warm fuzzy feeling in my heart quickly turning icy cold and heavy.  My body and my heart are sinking deeper into the bed, the only thing that still feels comforting. The feeling makes me want to stay there all day hiding from the reality of my cold cruel lonely life. Wrapped up in the safety of my blankets not having to answer to anyone or step off the sidewalk for a smiling woman pushing a stroller. It hurts, the pain burns like acid in my throat any time I think about it. It happened before, both in dreams and reality twice that gift was ripped away from me. I never fully healed from that, or healed at all for that matter. How do you? How do you get past something like that happening? Especially when it has always been the one and only thing you wanted more than anything in the world? The one thing you always felt like you were created to do. The same gift given billions of times already on this earth. The one gift I felt was never going to be given to me.

But it finally has.

I can feel his tiny body moving inside me. Rolling, kicking, punching, and stretching. I have finally worked up the courage to walk through those aisles in the store, to touch the tiny clothes, to set up the crib. But every day the pain still feels real. Every day I wake up, first thing I do is touch my belly to make sure he is still in there, he is still real, this is all still real. Every day is still the same, he’s still there and he’s still coming. But the fear never goes away. What if I go to sleep tonight and tomorrow it’s all been a dream? Another long, warm, drawn out, but painfully ending dream. Then what? I could never live with myself after that. Or what if I lost him, God forbid that happen. But then what would I do? How would I live? Why can’t I let go of this? It is finally real and I don’t know when I’m going to be able to finally accept that.

Here we are again, 30 weeks later. My beautiful baby boy Isaiah is now 20 weeks old. I’ve been through a lot since 10 weeks before. Starting at the beginning, My angel was born Sept 22, 3 days late at a healthy 7lbs 11oz 52cm long. He has a head of gorgeous black hair, a birthmark on his arm, and his Daddy’s nose. He’s more perfect than I ever could have imagined. As a matter of fact I never was able to imagine what he was going to look like, was never fully real until a few weeks in. The birth was quite traumatic and slightly complicated after 52 hours of intense labour, but he’s here so who am I to complain? I remember so vividly the first time I touched his skin, it wasn’t magical like I expected when I touched his little arm for the first time… it was actually “Woah! That’s weird I didn’t know he was going to feel so squishy!” For hours after I never took my eyes off him for a second. I was feeling euphoric and how to explain…. You know that old saying about never taking your eyes off a leprechaun? It was kinda like that. I wanted it to stay real. We gazed at each other for a long time, we could hear babies in the nearby rooms wailing, but we were both silent and together. Daddy brought my favorite lunch and more snacks than I could eat, so I could avoid that stinky hospital food, everything was perfect. That is until the first diaper changes….. The first one was unnecessary, for quite a funny and embarrassing reason. See it had only been a couple hours since I delivered and my darling has been constantly swaddled or wrapped up, so I hadn’t actually seen his bottom end naked before. Combine that with the drugs still wearing off…. And we get a first time Mom, with a biracial baby who thought peeking from the side I saw a poopy butt. Well I open it up and there’s no poop…. My son’s umm ‘jewels’? were what I saw LOL. I laughed at myself for a while for that! And diaper #2… Good Lord! I’ve changed hundreds upon hundreds of diapers in my time but that was the most difficult and horrifying of all of them! I’m not going to describe it but every mom knows!

Fast forward about 4 days. It hurts to sit down on anything, I don’t remember the last time I had a shower or brushed my hair, or had more than an hour of sleep. Wonderful friends and family dropped off some food which was a life saver, but here we are at 2am, sitting in bed, both crying. I hug him so tight but this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, and he doesn’t want let me sleep! Daddy suggests a warm bath, and after we get about 3 hours of sleep.

Fast forward about 7 weeks. We’re finally getting the hang of things, he’s started to sleep through the night usually waking only once or twice to be soothed. It’s about 8pm and Isaiah’s just woken up for what will be his last feeding of the night before bedtime. He’s still drowsy so I’m holding him in my arms waiting for him to full wake up for his feed. Then I hear some grunting and the unthinkable happens next. His face is red, his eyes roll back he’s arched his whole body and stiff as a board. He’s foaming at the mouth I start to scream for my hubby, OH MY GOD. NO THIS CAN’T HAPPEN. I hold him against my body, unusually calm when the paramedics arrive after having to give them the directions to my house while this is all happening. He slowly comes back to it about 10 minutes later and we ride in the ambulance to the Children’s hospital. Despite the near foot of snow and blizzardly conditions, Daddy’s headlights are a constant reassurance shining on us through the back window. Isaiah starts to smile at the paramedics sitting by his side, like he’s the only one here who knows everything’s going to be just fine. And it is just fine. We spend 4 days in the hospital, me never leaving that room for more than 5 minutes and only when I had to.  My brave little man was a trooper!

Fast forward about 12 weeks. The ups and downs of learning the ropes with a newborn has been quite a ride! Lots of incredible moments, and lots of “I’m emotionally losing it” moments. Do I still have those fears I had 30 weeks ago? I sure as heck do! But I always remind myself how incredibly lucky I am. The little socks in the laundry remind me, the clutter of toys and bottles reminds me, the late night wakings even remind me. But that fear and worry still hits me sometimes, it feels like such a sinful thought to think heaven forbid anything ever happen to him.

The best thing I know how to do to keep those thoughts out of my mind, remind myself how lucky I am. Make sure he constantly knows how much I love him. Hug him tight everytime I think of it. Each time I lay him down for a nap, kiss him on the forehead. “Sweet dreams, Mommy loves you forever and ever.”

Santana ♥

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No regrets!

"Life is about laughing and living in good and bad times, getting through whatever comes our way, and looking back with a smile!"  Unknown

I have always taken opportunities by the head and ran with every experience that has ever presented itself to me. I was presented with an amazing, well what I thought was amazing, opportunity after john and I were married and I took that opportunity and ran with it. People told me I was crazy and that I would regret the choice I was making. But I don't believe in regrets I don't regret anything I do and if I am unhappy with a choice I make I try to learn from it but I never have regretted a choice I have made, definitely not this one! :)

A few years ago my wedding photographer, Cassandra at Candid Apple Photography in Kelowna BC, and I were talking about trashing my wedding dress as it is something that had always interested me. I gave her some ideas I had and she was all for it!! So it was done set I was trashing my wedding dress! I know a lot of people have done this over the past few years but its typically something that can be fixed or dry cleaned. I decided that if I was doing this that it was going to be something id always remember! And well its definitely an experience ill never forget and when I look back at the opportunity I wouldn't change a bit of it! :)

A lot of people cant believe that I actually ruined my dress to a point of no return. I don't regret it one bit. That photo shoot had to be one of the most amazing memories I have. Not to mention the amount of fun I had and how many people can say that they wore their wedding dress for more then one day! People now ask well what if Anya wanted to wear it, what happens when she gets married and says "mommy I want your dress". I'd be beyond flattered if Anya ever wanted to wear my wedding dress but lets be honest in twenty to thirty years when Anya gets married she's not going to want to wear my wedding dress. She's going to want her own dress to make her own memories in!

We did a few photos at the beginning of just me in the dress just to remember how awesome my dress was before we trashed it. John did the photo shoot with me which made it that much better!! :)

I should probably mention that it was November when we did this photo shoot so the moment that paint hit our skin it froze and boy was it ever cold out! Cold or not it was still a lot of fun and the pictures we got were really awesome too!!

"In the end we only regret the chances we didn't take!" Unknown

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Soul mate ♥♥♥

"He's more myself then I am. Whatever our souls  are made of, his and mine are the same!" Emily Bronte

I think it's time to share a little about the person I was made for. The one person who I know will always have my back no matter what, the person who has carried me through some of the hardest times in my life, my husband!

I believe in soul mates. I believe that if you just listen to your heart you'll learn amazing things! I believe in fate and that EVERYTHING happens for a reason.

Going back six year I was 19 fresh out of high School living with my best friend and boyfriend, life was great! I had promised a friend of mine that year that for her 18th birthday I would take her to Calgary we had stopped talking for about 3 months but something was telling me I needed to go anyways. While making my work schedule I called and asked if she still wanted to go and well it was a given she said yes. I had one friend in Calgary, yes one, and I didn't even talk to him often so don't know what was making me feel like I needed to go but for some reason the thought of going consumed me.

January 2008 I left my boyfriend for a week and my girl friend and I flew to Calgary to spend some time with this friend of mine, she was in love with him. I walked in the to a house full of boys, I think I got myself into some trouble was the first thought. We spent all of ten minutes talking with the boys before I pulled my friend aside and told her I was going to spend the rest of my life with john. She looked at me baffled, "you haven't even had a ten minute conversation with the guy." That didn't matter just looking at John I smiled. There was an uncontrollable force that I immediately caved to.

I know what your thinking and yes I had a boyfriend, so I spent the next few days getting to know John and trying to get a hold of my boyfriend. Halfway through my holidays I got a call from my roommate and she informed me that my boyfriend had multiple girls at my house in my room for the past few days while I was gone. Typically I would have been hurt by this but I told him to make sure he was out of my house when I got home and I decided to make a move on John! I went home from that trip and made plans to move from BC to Calgary. I never believed in soul mates before but meeting John changed everything.

Over the past six years John and I have gone through things that would typically tare a relationship apart. We have been broken down and built each other back up on more then one occasion. John brings out the very best in me and is always finding new ways to make me smile! In the first year of our marriage we went through the top three things they say should break a marriage. Buying a house, losing a loved one, then losing a child all things that should have tore us apart but instead they brought us closer together.

A friend of mine shared something with me that I feel was made for John and I!

"He's not perfect and you aren't either , and the two of you will never be perfect. 
But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice,
And if he admits to being human and making mistakes, 
Hold onto him and give him the most you can!
He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment,
But he will give you a part of him he knows you can break. 
Dont hurt him, Dont change him, dont analyze, and dont expect more than he can give.
Smile when he makes you happy, Yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when hes not there. 
Because perfect guys dont exist, But there's always one guy perfect for you"  Bob Marley

John has gone through some tough battles in his life even before met him. The battles he has gone through are things that sometimes can kill a person. These battles have taken John and he has let them mold him into the most beautiful, caring and thoughtful person I know. I can't even begin to explain the amount of love I have for this man. He constantly is finding ways to make me smile and laugh. He always looking out for me and making sure I'm happy, he takes care of me even when I don't take care of myself! And I still to this day after 6 years get butterflies when I know he's on his way home from work!

 Now the love I had for John before having Anya was awesome and I never thought that it was even possible to love him more then I already did. But when I saw him look at Anya the first time. When I watch him talk to her and kiss her tiny little face. When I see her look at her daddy when he comes home from work and the biggest smile takes over her adorable little face. When I see all this the love I felt for John before feels so tiny and almost like nothing compared to the love I have for him now. This love is not even explainable in anyway. I can't even begin to compare it to anything else I have ever felt before! Seeing the man you love share a bond with you that only you two feel is amazing and I couldn't imagine sharing that feeling with anyone but John!



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Moments like this

"I cherish the breathless moments that we share. Those beautiful moments when time stand still and our souls leave our bodies to unite with each other in a timeless bond of divinity." Aarti Khurana

Have you ever had a moment when you felt like you could just stay there forever?! Like life would be perfect if you could live in that moment and never leave!? 

Since having Anya I have moments like that all the time! But I also have moments that I need to remind myself of those cherished times just to pull through what i'm going through. 

Anya has been getting up to eat at 12pm since I moved her bed time to 8:30 instead of 10. She still sleeps straight to 5 or 6 after that bottle at 12pm though. Well last night when she got up I had one of those "I can't do this moments". Anya got up for what should have been a bottle at 12:30 last night but when I went into her room and picked her up she refused to take the bottle. I sat there with her and just cried feeling like I just couldnt do it anymore. I sat for what felt like an hour till Anya was calm enough that I could feed her. 

As I sat there thinking "I cant do this" I quickly gave my head a shake and reminded myself how truly blessed I am. I reminded myself how much I wanted and longed for that very moment. Ya I know what your thinking, no one wishes to be up in the middle of the night with a crying baby. But there was a time in my life when it was all I wished for, and it's only when I take a minute to bring myself back to that time that I can truly cherish every moment I have with Anya and know how truly blessed I really am! 

When I woke up this morning and after John left for work Anya and I started our typical day, play time for Anya and morning coffee for mommy (I dont know how any mom lives without coffee by the way)! When Anya started to fuss, an hour earlier then her typical nap time, I got up to get her and within minutes she was snuggled in my chest and fast asleep. I typically take her upstairs right away so she doesnt get in the habit of sleeping in my arms but this time I just held her, cherishing that very moment that I had with her wishing it would never go away! 

There was a time in life that holding a sleeping baby in my arms was a dream, just figment of my imagination, something I thought I would never have. I, along with many other people, have been blessed with one of gods greatest most precious gifts that can be given. We are blessed with something that some people only dream of! So when your two year old throws himself to the floor in the middle of the mall and wont stop screaming and all you can think is how you 'cant do this' stop and think of what a blessing that child is. When its 4am your up for the 4th time with your newborn and your beyond exhausted stop for a moment and think of all those people out there only dreaming that they were exactly where you are! We all need to just stop for one moment and realize, even in the hardest of times, how truly blessed we really are. 

Remember that this may be your reality but it also is someones dream! 

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Inner Struggles.

"You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it!" Unknown

So I have been having this inner struggle for a while and I have decided to finally write about it! 

It wasn't long ago that I faced the struggle of trying to get pregnant and when I finally was blessed with a baby I thought that struggle would be over but now I struggle knowing there are so many people that go through the same struggle and have no one to talk to. I was lucky to be blessed with some amazing woman in my life that have gone through the same struggle and were there for me. But there are some woman and even men who sit and struggle all alone with this inner battle having no idea when it will end. Why is it that there are things that hurt us and that cause us pain everyday yet we feel we can't talk about it? Why is it that people make others feel like that can't open up or share how they are feeling and what they are going through?
The inner struggles that we go through are things that can break us down or they can make us stronger. When I was battling my inner struggle with trying to have a baby after I had a miscarriage I felt empty and alone. Although I had John who was beyond supportive it didn't matter cause inside I felt broken. It wasn't till I started to talk to people that I felt ok. I started to take that struggle I was facing and let it build me up instead of break me down. I hate the think that there are people who go through those inner struggles and don't have an outlet for it.

Writing has always been an amazing outlet for me so I have decided that I want to offer that same outlet to many others. I am making Friday guest post Friday and offering the opportunity for people to write about their inner struggles. If you would like to write a guest post feel free to email me! mandie5683@gmail.com You may also request to remain unknown if you'd like!

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Growing up!

"Life isn't measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away!" Unknown



Its still so hard to believe that Anya is already 4 months old. It feels like yesterday that I had her. She is currently napping and I just think back to when she was newborn and would just sleep in my arms all day, I loved that so much. The little gas smiles she would make while she we sleeping were beyond adorable. And of course I miss how tiny she was.

People always told me "oh they grow so fast" and being a nanny I always agreed cause I knew. But watching it first hand and it being your baby is totally different. Watching your baby change from this tiny baby into this little walking and talking person is so amazing and so heartbreaking all at the same time.

I love watching the changes Anya goes through everyday its so amazing to see and I'm so proud of her! I just dread the day she says "mommy I don't need you" or "mommy I can do this on my own" I just know its gonna break my little heart. At the same time I will look back at all her and I went through together and how I wanted and tried to ensure she could be independent and I know ill be so happy and over joyed at every milestone and ever lesson her and I went through together! 



One minute all she can do is sit in her jumper and talk then the next day she is moving and bouncing like its nothing!

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Anya's first Christmas!

Family!

"You may not be the only reason I smile but your definitely my favorite one!" Unknown

We were really busy over the holidays but John ended up with two weeks off so that was really nice! We were able to spend lots of family time together. John also got to do some snowboarding so I think that was definitely an added bonus.

I took Anya to see Santa at John's mom's Christmas party put on by her work. It was good but Anya fell asleep right before Santa showed up of course. But I got a picture of her with him any ways! She also got a little gift too. Its a learn and laugh teddy bear! Pretty cool although she still has a bit before she can play with it. 



We had our first ever Christmas pictures done!! :) so I was able to make Christmas cards and send them out to everyone. I was so excited to do this and now that we have started our little family we can do it every year! :) I also found a new photographer super close to the house so that's awesome! Photos done by Natasha Fyfe Photography

Our next big day was Christmas day! We spent the day with John's family at his sisters house! Everyone came down to spend Christmas there! It was really nice to have the family time! Anya loves spending time with her cousins! Seeing her smile at them is so cool and they love her so much too especially Skyler! I can't wait till she can run around and play with them! :)

We headed to my parents on the 26th. We left at Anya's first wake up call cause she was hungry, it was 4am. We were tired but the drive was awesome! Anya slept pretty much the whole way. When she did wake up she ate and then was totally content! So lets just say this drive was WAY better then the drive we did in November when she was only a month and a half old!

Anya was spoiled rotten of course! She got so much stuff over the holidays. I can't wait till she is big enough to actually enjoy opening presents! Next Christmas is going to be the best ever!! :)

Bring on 2014!!!!

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