Third Trimester!!!

"Mommy can you feel me I'm wiggling for you! I can hear you say you love me, mum I love you too! Very soon you'll meet me and kiss my little face. And I will feel your warm skin and admire you for your grace. Mommy are you ready my life is just about to start. I will hold your finger but you will hold my heart!" Unknown

I am in the third trimester!!! Finally! Well I shouldn't say finally it is going by soo fast! Here is my most recent picture taken today! 31weeks!!! 

Only 63 more days to go give or take a few lol!! I am feeling awesome and having this little baby growing inside of me is the most amazing feeling in the world! Every kick and roll puts a smile on my face I couldn't ask for anything more in life right now! 

This little baby has taken a huge piece of my heart and I totally understand now why people say you can't explain what its like. Don't think that if you read a book about pregnancy you'll be ready for all it's up's and downs. No one can prepare you for what your going to go through no one can predict what it will be like. I'll tell you this no book or person will probably even tell you the truth! Lol.

My last ultrasound was at 29wks! It amazes me how much the baby changes every time! :)

Cute dont you think?! We still dont know if it's a boy or girl we still wanted it to be a surprise! I cant wait to see this little bundle of joy! I still cant believe that I have been blessed with such an amazing gift! 

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Baby Bumps!!

"I am not alone while running errands and talking on the phone, I am pleasantly reminded that I am not alone.

Little tiny hands a precious rounded knee pushing and twisting that no one can see.

Oh sweet child kicking up your heels, it is our little secret that only I can feel.

I look forward to your birth when I can kiss your skin, but for now ill just smile as I feel you play within!" Unknown

Baby Bump!!! 

Ive been taking baby bump pictures once a week since 13wks! I'll share a few so you can get an idea of how big I've been getting! 

13wks

 15 weeks!

 22 weeks!

 27 weeks!

I love every bit of being pregnant! It is the most amazing thing I have ever gone through! And getting bigger is so awesome to! I wondered in the beginning how I would feel about my body changing but I really dont mind! Yeah I am a little insecure about it and worried I wont be able to lose the weight after but I will deal with that when the time comes for now I will just enjoy it! :D

I will take more pictures once a week and keep you guys posted on the progress!! I think I'm growing faster then I should due to the fact that this technically is my second pregnancy although my first ended in Miscarriage.

Current Symptoms...
Migraines. Yup still got those. They are slowly going away. Some weeks they are really bad and I have them pretty much on a daily basis but some weeks not so bad. Like this week I have only had one (Which just so happens to be what I am dealing with today). I am going to try message therapy and see if it helps at all! If not at least it feels good right! :D 
Tired. This still has not gone away and it actually seems to be getting worse. I try and be in bed by 8:30 - 9:00 every night but that still doesn't help and if I don't get at least 8 hours of sleep I am so short with the kids the next day.

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Official announcement!!

"Twinkle Twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are. We hoped and prayed it would happen some day, and oh we are pregnant by the way!!" Unknown

Well we made our official facebook announcement! Cute eh?! Everyone is super excited for us! :D We decided it was about time as I had my third ultrasound yesterday and everything went well and I am just over 12wks so out of the "danger" zone! 

My Ultrasound was a screening for downs and everything came back really good! Baby is super healthy and was kicking like crazy!! Heart rate was also up to 177bpm!!! :D Loving our little one so much already! :D

Side note! We got our building permit so we can officially start the basement and once it is done that means we can start the nursery!!! :D 

Current Symptoms...

Migraines- This seems to be the most frequent and annoying symptom I have. My maternity Dr said if it gets really bad she will send me to a specialist. At my last appointment I told her we could still hold off on that. But the last few nights they have been so bad that I have a hard time sleeping cause I am waking up in pain. :S I think its time to take her up on the offer! 

Tired- Yup still tired. They say this goes away in the second trimester but that hasn't happened yet.

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Dr. appointment Yesterday went...

"Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and focus on what could go right!" Unknown

  

Had my appointment with my new Dr yesterday! Everything was going really well she was asking me a bunch of questions and then she got to my pregnancy history. I had to tell her about my previous miscarriage and that I found out at 8 weeks but opted out of a D&C and my body held onto that pregnancy till I was about 12 weeks. Right away she asked me if I would be interested in getting an ultrasound this week, of course I said yes! But she then said well lets try and find the Heartbeat first (knowing I have a doppler at home and have found the heartbeat before). She could not find the heartbeat she actually could not hear anything!

This freaked me out and she could tell just by looking at me so she booked me for an ultrasound for today at 2:30. I felt like my whole life was about to come crashing down. I was so scared driving to that ultrasound I did everything I could not to cry.

I went into my ultrasound so nervous. And to top off how nervous I was because it was not planned John had no time to get it off work (which I totally understand) so I went alone. Oh and I had to pee soo bad I thought I may pee my pants! The ultrasound tech said my bladder was so full I was squishing the baby and asked me to go pee, 3 different times, till I had emptied it enough lol. She found baby measuring 10wks 3days! So due Oct 19th!! As well as a VERY strong heartbeat beating away at 157bpm! :D Such good news today!! They also gave me a picture to bring home to John! :D 

So I have decided that I need to try and chill out and stop thinking something is wrong all the time. This baby is here and here to stay! Plus I am almost out of the first trimester!!! :)

Oh and to add to all this awesome news I am starting to feel awesome too! so.... 

Symptom Update...

Tired- Yes still very tired always tired lol.. 

Irritable- John keeps saying he is pretty sure I am crazy lol. No crazy just pregnant! :D 

Headaches/Migraines- The maternity Dr has sent in a requisition for me to be checked out for my migraines and headaches so hopefully I get some answers!! 

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Told my parents!!!

"A grandchild fills the empty space in your heart that you never knew you had!" Unknown

So my parents have no grand kids yet this will be their first! I wanted to tell them a special way and well because they live in BC I didn't just call them so lots of people (both families) knew before they did. After what happened last time I wanted to make sure that this time there was no disappointed at all so tell them in person was something I really wanted to do!

We drove to BC for what they thought was a snowboarding trip for John and his friend Leo who came with us. I told them I wasn't going because I wanted to go see Katie, a friend of mine that lives there. We did a midnight drive so that Leo could come with us when he was done work. I felt so bad for John he had been up all day working and was then going to drive 8 hours. Well the roads and weather was so bad the drive took over 12 hours. Lets just say we were all REALLY tired!

we finally got there but John had been up all night and I had broken sleep from being in the truck so we went to bed. When john got up him and Leo went boarding and I wasn't telling my parents without him so we didn't tell them the first day. Now you have to know that I SUCK at secrets so to be with them and not say anything was hard to say the least LoL. The next day John and Leo went boarding with my brothers and I went into penticton to see Katie so I could avoid my parents all day lol. That night John and I were finally both at the house with my parents so we gave them a little gift that we had got! 



Pretty cute eh?!

My mom screamed like a little school girl and hit my dad over and over again! I video tapped it but I have no idea how to get it off my phone and on to my computer but if I figure it out I will post the video! This will be their first grand baby so I can only imagine how excited they are! :D

I also bought a fetal doppler (the hand held thing the Dr's use to listen to the baby's heart beat) it should be here by Friday this week! This means John and I can listen to the heartbeat whenever we want! And John also cant get lots of time off work and it doesnt make sense to take a day off for a 5 min Dr appointment so now he does not have to miss out on that! :D

Next Ultrasound is scheduled for April 8th! Only 26 days from now! :D Can't wait to see out little monkey again! :D 

Symptom update!

Tired- Yes still tired. I don't think John will ever get used to this either! 

Restlessness- I still can hardly sleep because I cant get comfortable but I bought a pregnancy pillow so hopefully that helps! 

Nausea- Still nauseous but I have been seeing my chiropractor and he has been helping with that a lot! 

Sore Boobs- Still sore and big, John loves this one I hate it lol!

Headaches- I suffer from sever migraines typically and not being able to take anything really, REALLY sucks! But you know what I'll take it and whatever other symptom I get just for this baby! 

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There's a baby in there!!!

"I'm in love with a child l haven't met yet!" Unknown

Going into this ultrasound I don't think I had ever felt so scared and nervous in my life. I was so worried that I'd have all this hope ripped from me all over again. But I know that what ever the outcome of this ultrasound it didn't matter because I had John and together we would embrace whatever we were given and deal with it however we needed to! 

WELL...

Not only did we see a baby but we also got to the heartbeat! 106BPM!! :D I am over the moon excited! I couldn't see John's face but when she showed us the heartbeat all I heard was "OMG!" I could just picture his smile! :D 

They changed my due date to Oct 21st making me exactly 6wks today as opposed to 6wks 2days which I am totally ok with!! we won't be finding out if the baby is a boy r girl we will be keeping it a surprise!!

I go see my Dr next Thursday although I am trying REALLY hard to get in with a midwife but I am just on the wait list. They say they will call me as soon as a spot becomes available. 

I will have another ultrasound scheduled for 11wks. I can't even tell you guys how happy and relieved I am right now! I am so beyond in love with this little baby already!  

"There is such a special sweetness in being able to participate in creation." Pamela S Nadav 

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The past to the Present!

"Every struggle in your life has shaped you into the person you are today. be thankful for the hard times they can only make you stronger!" Unknown

My name is Amanda Darker and I believe that everything happens for a reason, that we were put on the path we are on for a reason, and that there is someone special out there for everyone! I married my best friend in the middle of the most difficult and trying years of our relationship and not only did it make our relationship stronger but it gave me a million and one more reasons to love John even more then I already did.

I'll briefly go over a bit of our past and that will bring us to today and why its so important! :)

In February 2011 John's dad, Rob, was given the news that the cancer that had been in remission for the past 7 years was back and they needed to start treatment right away. John and I at that point had been together for almost 4 years and I had never felt so lost and helpless in our relationship before. Seeing John so hurt and broken made me feel so lost and alone cause there was nothing I could do to help him. All I could do was be there to listen when he needed me and let him know that I loved him and was there no matter what, never knowing if that even helped. I hoped and prayed that no matter what John's dad would be there to see us get married I knew that it meant a lot to John and its all I wanted! May 21st 2011 John and I got married in Oyama BC with his dad in attendance! :)

Pictures by: Candid Apple Photography



After we got married we decided not to go on a honeymoon because we didn't want to be gone in case something happened to his dad. But in August we went to Arizona with John's whole family just to spend some quality time together. John's youngest brother Stephen was also leaving to Utah at the end of the trip to go on his mission for two years. Going to Arizona in August is probably the most ridicules thing I have ever heard of. The heat was beyond hot I definitely needed my SPF 100 that's for sure! But the fun we had and the memories we made were more then worth it and I wouldn't change anything about our trip and the time we got to spend with Rob!

John and I purchased and moved into our first home Sept 9th when we got home for Arizona!! Life seem to be lining up pretty perfectly and I couldn't have asked for anything more then what I had! That feeling all came crashing down the morning of Sept 25th 2011. John's mom called us at 4am and told us it was time and that we needed to go up to the hospital. We stayed at the hospital with the family for quite a few hours till Rob passed away. I had never lost anyone really close to me before but I know now that I don't ever want to experience that pain and hurt ever again. I honestly don't even know what was worse watching people I loved so much lose their dad and someone so important to them and knowing how much they were probably hurting or actually loosing Rob. John's family means the world to me and have been there for me through so much when my family couldn't be that watching them hurt so much made me hurt soo much too. We lost an amazing father, husband, son and friend that day and he will forever have a place in all of our hearts.

 

"A mother is not defined by the number of children you see but the love she holds in her heart" Unknown

John and I had not been actively trying (but not preventing) to have a baby but we both knew that once we had a home we wanted to have a baby. But with what we had been going through having a baby was the last thing we were focusing on. In March of 2012, when life finally seemed to be getting back to normal a bit I found out that John and I were pregnant!!! Something I had been waiting for my whole life! we were both so happy and for what felt like the first time in years I saw John smile again, not a forced smile but the smile I fell in love with 5 years ago when I met him. Our joy and excitement was to much to contain we told our friends and family right away! May 2012 that all changed. I had an ultrasound only to find out that I had a blighted ovum. For those wanting to know what that is it is when your body thinks your pregnant but the sac that should hold the baby is empty. So I had been experiencing everything as if I was pregnant but I actually wasn't. I opted out of a D&C and waited for my body to deal with things on their own. I spent our first wedding Anniversary have a miscarriage of what should have been our first baby. :(

I don't think I had ever felt so broken in my life. The love I had already felt and the joy I had in my heart to grow a belly and care for this baby had just been ripped out of my heart and it felt like someone was crushing it all. Maybe I wasn't meant to have a baby yet or maybe John and I still had healing to do since loosing Rob. I don't know what the reason. But baby or no baby going through a miscarriage and feeling all the feelings that come with it is something that I hope no one I know, or anyone else, ever has to experience.

The months after my miscarriage were hard and I try to block them out. John says I became crazy tracking my cycle and trying so hard to get pregnant "it should be something that just happens" or "stop stressing about it and it will happen" was all I heard from him and everyone else I knew. Ummmm I'm sorry but NO!!!! I don't care what you think or have to say until you go through actually trying to have a baby because you really want one you have NO IDEA what its like. Month after month disappointed over and over again. Feeling like your body is letting you down. The one thing woman were put here to do and I am not able to do it. I felt like my body was failing me, like I was failing John not being able to get pregnant. I felt physically broken.

BUT...

Do you see this... John and I are finally given the opportunity to embrace this journey again!!! 

I'm scared, I'm nervous, I'm EXCITED!! Beyond excited I should probably add!! 

We found out on Valentines day, BEST valentines day ever!! Estimated due date Oct 19th, 2013 just 3 days after my 25th Birthday. By far the best birthday present ever!! :D 

We haven't told anyone and plan to keep it that way till I feel baby is nice and settled in my tummy and ready to stay that way for 9 months!! We go for our first ultrasound on Monday and I am so nervous but so hopeful to see a growing baby and heartbeat!! I will be 6wks 2days and many say that is early but I know in my heart that I will see a nice healthy baby in there and a good healthy heartbeat! Fingers toes and legs (for now :P) are crossed!!!

Current Symptoms:
Tired- Or should I say beyond tired. I think if I laid down pretty much anywhere I would be able to fall asleep! 
Restlessness- Although I am sooo tired sleeping seems near next to impossible. I toss and turn all night and wake up multiple times to go to the washroom or cause I am hungry. Currently trying to eat a snack high in protein before bed to prevent myself from eating a 3am meal! 
Nausea- Oh yeah that wonderful thing that I oh so wanted with my first pregnancy but never had. Oh its hear and it hits every night around 8pm like clock work!
Sore Boobs- Oh yeah sooo sore it hurts to walk up and down the stairs!  
And the newest addition...
Vivid Dreams- This one was not surprising as it was one of the only symptoms I had last time so I have been waiting for it. I should probably add that they are by far the weirdest dreams I have ever had! 

Will keep you posted! :D 

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