Moments like this

"I cherish the breathless moments that we share. Those beautiful moments when time stand still and our souls leave our bodies to unite with each other in a timeless bond of divinity." Aarti Khurana

Have you ever had a moment when you felt like you could just stay there forever?! Like life would be perfect if you could live in that moment and never leave!? 

Since having Anya I have moments like that all the time! But I also have moments that I need to remind myself of those cherished times just to pull through what i'm going through. 

Anya has been getting up to eat at 12pm since I moved her bed time to 8:30 instead of 10. She still sleeps straight to 5 or 6 after that bottle at 12pm though. Well last night when she got up I had one of those "I can't do this moments". Anya got up for what should have been a bottle at 12:30 last night but when I went into her room and picked her up she refused to take the bottle. I sat there with her and just cried feeling like I just couldnt do it anymore. I sat for what felt like an hour till Anya was calm enough that I could feed her. 

As I sat there thinking "I cant do this" I quickly gave my head a shake and reminded myself how truly blessed I am. I reminded myself how much I wanted and longed for that very moment. Ya I know what your thinking, no one wishes to be up in the middle of the night with a crying baby. But there was a time in my life when it was all I wished for, and it's only when I take a minute to bring myself back to that time that I can truly cherish every moment I have with Anya and know how truly blessed I really am! 

When I woke up this morning and after John left for work Anya and I started our typical day, play time for Anya and morning coffee for mommy (I dont know how any mom lives without coffee by the way)! When Anya started to fuss, an hour earlier then her typical nap time, I got up to get her and within minutes she was snuggled in my chest and fast asleep. I typically take her upstairs right away so she doesnt get in the habit of sleeping in my arms but this time I just held her, cherishing that very moment that I had with her wishing it would never go away! 

There was a time in life that holding a sleeping baby in my arms was a dream, just figment of my imagination, something I thought I would never have. I, along with many other people, have been blessed with one of gods greatest most precious gifts that can be given. We are blessed with something that some people only dream of! So when your two year old throws himself to the floor in the middle of the mall and wont stop screaming and all you can think is how you 'cant do this' stop and think of what a blessing that child is. When its 4am your up for the 4th time with your newborn and your beyond exhausted stop for a moment and think of all those people out there only dreaming that they were exactly where you are! We all need to just stop for one moment and realize, even in the hardest of times, how truly blessed we really are. 

Remember that this may be your reality but it also is someones dream! 

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Inner Struggles.

"You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it!" Unknown

So I have been having this inner struggle for a while and I have decided to finally write about it! 

It wasn't long ago that I faced the struggle of trying to get pregnant and when I finally was blessed with a baby I thought that struggle would be over but now I struggle knowing there are so many people that go through the same struggle and have no one to talk to. I was lucky to be blessed with some amazing woman in my life that have gone through the same struggle and were there for me. But there are some woman and even men who sit and struggle all alone with this inner battle having no idea when it will end. Why is it that there are things that hurt us and that cause us pain everyday yet we feel we can't talk about it? Why is it that people make others feel like that can't open up or share how they are feeling and what they are going through?
The inner struggles that we go through are things that can break us down or they can make us stronger. When I was battling my inner struggle with trying to have a baby after I had a miscarriage I felt empty and alone. Although I had John who was beyond supportive it didn't matter cause inside I felt broken. It wasn't till I started to talk to people that I felt ok. I started to take that struggle I was facing and let it build me up instead of break me down. I hate the think that there are people who go through those inner struggles and don't have an outlet for it.

Writing has always been an amazing outlet for me so I have decided that I want to offer that same outlet to many others. I am making Friday guest post Friday and offering the opportunity for people to write about their inner struggles. If you would like to write a guest post feel free to email me! mandie5683@gmail.com You may also request to remain unknown if you'd like!

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Growing up!

"Life isn't measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away!" Unknown



Its still so hard to believe that Anya is already 4 months old. It feels like yesterday that I had her. She is currently napping and I just think back to when she was newborn and would just sleep in my arms all day, I loved that so much. The little gas smiles she would make while she we sleeping were beyond adorable. And of course I miss how tiny she was.

People always told me "oh they grow so fast" and being a nanny I always agreed cause I knew. But watching it first hand and it being your baby is totally different. Watching your baby change from this tiny baby into this little walking and talking person is so amazing and so heartbreaking all at the same time.

I love watching the changes Anya goes through everyday its so amazing to see and I'm so proud of her! I just dread the day she says "mommy I don't need you" or "mommy I can do this on my own" I just know its gonna break my little heart. At the same time I will look back at all her and I went through together and how I wanted and tried to ensure she could be independent and I know ill be so happy and over joyed at every milestone and ever lesson her and I went through together! 



One minute all she can do is sit in her jumper and talk then the next day she is moving and bouncing like its nothing!

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Anya's first Christmas!

Family!

"You may not be the only reason I smile but your definitely my favorite one!" Unknown

We were really busy over the holidays but John ended up with two weeks off so that was really nice! We were able to spend lots of family time together. John also got to do some snowboarding so I think that was definitely an added bonus.

I took Anya to see Santa at John's mom's Christmas party put on by her work. It was good but Anya fell asleep right before Santa showed up of course. But I got a picture of her with him any ways! She also got a little gift too. Its a learn and laugh teddy bear! Pretty cool although she still has a bit before she can play with it. 



We had our first ever Christmas pictures done!! :) so I was able to make Christmas cards and send them out to everyone. I was so excited to do this and now that we have started our little family we can do it every year! :) I also found a new photographer super close to the house so that's awesome! Photos done by Natasha Fyfe Photography

Our next big day was Christmas day! We spent the day with John's family at his sisters house! Everyone came down to spend Christmas there! It was really nice to have the family time! Anya loves spending time with her cousins! Seeing her smile at them is so cool and they love her so much too especially Skyler! I can't wait till she can run around and play with them! :)

We headed to my parents on the 26th. We left at Anya's first wake up call cause she was hungry, it was 4am. We were tired but the drive was awesome! Anya slept pretty much the whole way. When she did wake up she ate and then was totally content! So lets just say this drive was WAY better then the drive we did in November when she was only a month and a half old!

Anya was spoiled rotten of course! She got so much stuff over the holidays. I can't wait till she is big enough to actually enjoy opening presents! Next Christmas is going to be the best ever!! :)

Bring on 2014!!!!

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