Update!!!

"I'm sorry I've been a lousy blogger. I'm busy being a sleepy mom!"

So before i get back into the groove of things I will give you a little update on where I have been. Pregnancy, I swear I wont live through that ever again, it was LONG I think thats the best way to describe it. I was in early labor for 5 week and 6 days. It was absolute hell and I was willing to do just about anything to get him out, he is a boy by the way! After all the early labor he made a grand entrance two hours and 6 minutes after my active labor started and joined the world March 23rd 2015! Little John Robert Darker Jr. 6lbs 15oz and 21 inches! 

Life with two kids has been wild! Anya will be 2 in September and she is a typical wild little toddler with a little extra attitude! She's been going through so many changes and growing so much it's amazing and exhausting all at the same time! Jr is really good baby, i truly have been blessed with good babies! He is very different than Anya was and loves to be cuddled and loved on all the time where Anya could be left for hours and she would be fine! It's cool to see how different they are! She has adjusted so well to being a big sister and loves Jr so much! I am so excited to see them grow together! 

Becoming a mom of two under two I am learning so much about parenting and about myself! Trying to soak in every ounce of Anya being a kid I can while taking care of Jr. Learning the difference between the love I have for Anya and the love I have for Jr, both such a strong love but so different! I look forward to every ounce of craziness I have coming my way! I hope your excited for whats ahead! 

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Keeping up!

"The struggles of today will one day be a distant memory, but your children are only children once, enjoy them!" Jamerrill Stewart

If you are a blogger or you read other mom's blogs you have probably noticed the few things I have. One: Their house is spotless and organized in 90% of their pictures, Two: they have what seems like a million and one hours in a day and Three: They tend to keep their lives pretty well organized. I sit her envious for a minute and then shake my head wondering where the hell they got these super mom powers, what they put in their coffee and where the hell can I get some!
I am constantly trying to remind myself just to breath, just to take a moment and enjoy every bit of this pregnancy and every bit of Anya, because before I know it I will be attempting to split my time between her and Jr. But lets be honest here, pregnant and chasing a toddler around is exhausting! I dont even know how I manage to function 90% of the time or how I even remember to feed myself let alone put some pants on in the morning. 

Keeping up with Anya is enough work on it's own I dont know how anyone manages to put on make up and do their hair with a toddler running around. The one day I decided to do something with my hair I turned around for a split second and she had opened the bathroom door, climbed up on the toilet and grabbed a hold of my hot straightener, of course making me feel like I deserve the mom of the year award right! Now I could set my alarm get up an hour before she does and organize my life, but come on we all know that the day I decide to do that she is going to think a 6AM wake up call is an awesome idea as well. So I go day in and day out looking like a zombie and longing for that hour in the afternoon that she will go down for a nap, and that's if she hasnt taken a 5 minute power nap in the car that apparently gives her the ability to go like the energizer bunny! 

I think I have sat down now 5 or 6 times in an attempt to finish this blog all while Anya is either napping or in bed but all I can think while sitting in front of my laptop is, wash and sanitize the bottles for Jr, organize his clothes, put away Anyas mess for the hundredth time today, oh ya it's been a week I should probably shower and I end up closing my laptop and saying the heck with it ill finish this another day. Now here I am a month later with the exact same blog post still not done and it bugs the crap out of me!! I dont know how any mom finds the time to sit and write a post once a day let alone once a week. 

Since finding out we are expecting again and Anya started walking i've learned a few things, first it really doesnt matter how clean my house is, second the weekly bump photos that I religiously took with Anya only remind me how fat and swollen I got so they really dont matter (although i'm still pretty good at remembering them even when its a day or two late), and last that as long as Anya continues to smile and laugh I will always be reminded that I am doing the best I can even if it looks like a tornado came through my house over and over again! 

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ONE!!!!

"Shine bright little lady, never let anyone dull your shine!"

  

As you grow and I see the world your being brought up in it makes me so sad and worried. Sad that you will grow up in a generation where girls dress in mini skirts and crop tops by the time they are ten if not younger. Sad that having a cell phone by age 7 is normal, or that sitting in front of a TV or playing on an IPad is more entertaining than going to the park. I'm worried that you will be exposed to drugs and drinking before your able to drive a car. I'm worried that as you get older you'll sneak out with a change of clothes in your back pack just to hide it from your father and I. 

People tell me I'm stupid to think I can protect you from all these things. They tell me I'm crazy if I think sending you to a private school or driving a half hour outside the city everyday is going to change all the things I am so scared you'll be exposed to. They say that hiding all these things from you isn't going to do anything to help you in the future. I dont know why but your first birthday all of a sudden made all these things so important and as your mom I could careless if it will help you later or not if I can protect you from seeing those things now then I will!

Your one now your not my little baby anymore. Your walking, your talking and your such a little explorer. Your going to teach your little brother or sister so much your just so smart and I love watching you! Your still tiny only 18lbs but tall like daddy, 33inches! You love music and dancing! Mickey mouse is your favorite show! You love books and even read to Roxie! Your growing into such a strong willed determined little girl! I love watching your personality grow and seeing you turn into your own litter person! Dont ever forget how much your dad and I love you and that no matter what we will always be here for you! 

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And then there were two!

"The only thing that will be better than being married to my best friend is raising two kids given to me by him!"

"Holy crap are you guys crazy", "Did you plan this", I'm sure the question has been in everyone's mind but aside from family no one really has the guts to ask, and really who wants to upset an emotional pregnant Amanda anyways! So I'll take the ease off for you all and just answer the question the best I can! We arent stupid we know how babies are made and unfortunately we also know what it feels like to experience loss and know the struggle of trying to have a baby. So I'm not going to say that yes we planned this baby, cause if i said we planned this that would be a lie, but I'm also not going to say that this was a complete surprise. It was surprising that it didnt take two years to get pregnant again yess but was it surprising that when we didnt prevent having a baby we found out we were having a baby no. To be honest if you dont prevent having a baby and are surprised when you get pregnant your an idiot! 

So putting that all aside two kids UNDER two, yeah we are crazy! We are going to be busy we probably wont have a life for a while or see anyone unless they come over, but hey ill be real that's kind of my life now anyways! And well as much as I say we are crazy I cant even begin to explain how excited I am, and well I hope I speak for John as well when I say that! There was a time, i'll admit, when we found out and my dr told me there was a huge possibility we were having twins that i thought I might die, as I am sure John did too although I have a feeling he kind of wished that upon me lol! It took a bit to let that news sink in but didnt take long for that fear to turn into pure joy one or two babies (yes we are only having ONE baby) as long as it/ they were healthy that is all that mattered to me! i'll also admit that Anya was probably 6 months old when I told John I wanted to have another baby, He told me I was crazy! He really didnt need to I already know I am! I dont think I was ready for a baby at that point I just had REALLY bad baby fever. Anya had just started moving around and sleeping through the night I felt like I was losing my little baby, I know that's meant to happen. I can say this much that if I wasnt currently pregnant John would be in trouble. I'd be that crazy trying to have a baby wife I was before we had Anya because of how fast she grew in the blink of an eye. 

None the less, putting John and I aside I am soooo excited to have this baby and see Anya with her sibling. We will be finding out if this baby is a boy or girl, Nov 2014, and we are hoping for a boy seeing as this WILL be our last baby. I know I will most likely encounter baby fever again but this pregnancy has been way different than Anya's. I feel sick 24/7, why they call it morning sickness is beyond me, I have zero energy to do anything at all and I cry all the time even when some commercials come on. I feel beyond blessed and I am by no means complaining, symptoms are all signs things are progressing, but I think two kids is perfect birth control has already been a convo I've had with my dr! I have a feeling this journey is going to be a long one and I can only hope that the end of my pregnancy doesnt end up as eventful as my last, but I cant wait to meet this little one and for our family to be complete! <3 

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