Amazing Mom ♥♥

"Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn't know you had, and dealing with fears you didn't know existed" Linda Wooten

Since becoming a mom I have learned a lot about myself and a lot about things I thought I already knew. I have always thought I knew the kind of mom I wanted to be, until I started spending lots of time with two people who I hold very near to my heart! One is my friend Lisa and the other is my sister in law Melanie (Mel).

Ive known Lisa for about 5 years, way before we both had kids, we met cause we worked together and immediately became friends! Lisa is my friend that helped me stop dwelling on the past and focus on today. Lisa is my kind hearted free spirited friend! I love Lisa for many reasons but I love her most because she is an amazing mom!!

Lisa is an amazing mom and showed me a completely different way or parenting (I will ask her to share her view on parenting)! Lisa has a sweet little two year old and her newest addition a baby girl a month younger then Anya. I love that one of my best friends has a baby with me by the way! Lisa is a kind hearted free spirited mom. Lisa has taught me that I can never show Anya to much love. She's taught me that growing Anya's heart is just as important as developing her brain. She's shown me how to grow a kind hearted free spirited little girl! She's taught me how to be a relaxed (most of the time lol) mom and that it's ok to just go with the flow sometimes! Lisa has shown me exactly how to be an amazing mom!! I can't wait to watch our girls grow and develop together!! 

Now Mel, Mel is one of the most amazing people I know! I've know Mel, well since I've been with John and I have watched her teach and grow these three beautiful children! My niece and nephews are some of the smartest most amazing, caring, and loving kids I know! I feel blessed that I was able to watch Mel with her kids and learn so much from her! I too love Mel for many reasons but most of all because she is an amazing mom!

Mel is a busy mom, always on the go and keeping the kids busy. Mel has taught me that having a schedule sometimes makes life way easier. She's taught me that structure and routine helps kids strive in life. Mel has taught me that rules and guidelines also show your children just how much you love them. But most of all Mel has taught me how to be a strong mom and wife! Mel has showed me that a mom is the foundation of a family. She has taught me that being strong for your family is just as important as everything else you do for them! Mel has been through so much as a mom (maybe she will share one day) but has always stayed strong for her husband and her kids! I am so beyond thankful that Anya has the chance to grow up with her cousins and learn the amazing morals and values Mel has instilled in her children. I am so thankful that Mel too has taught me how to be an amazing mom!

I can only hope that Anya grows to be as beautiful, kind hearted, and loving as Lisa and Mel's kids. Watching them both I have learned two very different ways of parenting and have taken them both and applied them to my now everyday life! I am so thankful to be blessed with these two very amazing mom's and to have them in my life! ♥♥

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10 weeks before and 30 weeks later ♥ Guest post by Santana

Is it normal or unique to be living my life worried this way every day? Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy with my life. I am grateful for everything I have. The good things, the not so good things, the easy things and the hard ones, I appreciate having them all. But every day that it gets closer I get even more scared. Not of life or reality, but of it not being real. I worry every day that it’s just some long, lucid, drawn out dream. I have had them before. Some short, some long, but always ending the same way. I am having an incredible beautiful dream of having a baby inside of me, or in my arms. I feel the true feelings of bliss and happiness from my innermost dream finally coming true. I am holding this beautiful child, smiling and laughing, or crying from happiness. But it would always end the same. The alarm is ringing and I wake up. I am ripped from that bright blissful and happy moment. I am brutally torn from my warm and happy place. The violent force into reality stings. I lay there with my eyes still closed. The warm fuzzy feeling in my heart quickly turning icy cold and heavy.  My body and my heart are sinking deeper into the bed, the only thing that still feels comforting. The feeling makes me want to stay there all day hiding from the reality of my cold cruel lonely life. Wrapped up in the safety of my blankets not having to answer to anyone or step off the sidewalk for a smiling woman pushing a stroller. It hurts, the pain burns like acid in my throat any time I think about it. It happened before, both in dreams and reality twice that gift was ripped away from me. I never fully healed from that, or healed at all for that matter. How do you? How do you get past something like that happening? Especially when it has always been the one and only thing you wanted more than anything in the world? The one thing you always felt like you were created to do. The same gift given billions of times already on this earth. The one gift I felt was never going to be given to me.

But it finally has.

I can feel his tiny body moving inside me. Rolling, kicking, punching, and stretching. I have finally worked up the courage to walk through those aisles in the store, to touch the tiny clothes, to set up the crib. But every day the pain still feels real. Every day I wake up, first thing I do is touch my belly to make sure he is still in there, he is still real, this is all still real. Every day is still the same, he’s still there and he’s still coming. But the fear never goes away. What if I go to sleep tonight and tomorrow it’s all been a dream? Another long, warm, drawn out, but painfully ending dream. Then what? I could never live with myself after that. Or what if I lost him, God forbid that happen. But then what would I do? How would I live? Why can’t I let go of this? It is finally real and I don’t know when I’m going to be able to finally accept that.

Here we are again, 30 weeks later. My beautiful baby boy Isaiah is now 20 weeks old. I’ve been through a lot since 10 weeks before. Starting at the beginning, My angel was born Sept 22, 3 days late at a healthy 7lbs 11oz 52cm long. He has a head of gorgeous black hair, a birthmark on his arm, and his Daddy’s nose. He’s more perfect than I ever could have imagined. As a matter of fact I never was able to imagine what he was going to look like, was never fully real until a few weeks in. The birth was quite traumatic and slightly complicated after 52 hours of intense labour, but he’s here so who am I to complain? I remember so vividly the first time I touched his skin, it wasn’t magical like I expected when I touched his little arm for the first time… it was actually “Woah! That’s weird I didn’t know he was going to feel so squishy!” For hours after I never took my eyes off him for a second. I was feeling euphoric and how to explain…. You know that old saying about never taking your eyes off a leprechaun? It was kinda like that. I wanted it to stay real. We gazed at each other for a long time, we could hear babies in the nearby rooms wailing, but we were both silent and together. Daddy brought my favorite lunch and more snacks than I could eat, so I could avoid that stinky hospital food, everything was perfect. That is until the first diaper changes….. The first one was unnecessary, for quite a funny and embarrassing reason. See it had only been a couple hours since I delivered and my darling has been constantly swaddled or wrapped up, so I hadn’t actually seen his bottom end naked before. Combine that with the drugs still wearing off…. And we get a first time Mom, with a biracial baby who thought peeking from the side I saw a poopy butt. Well I open it up and there’s no poop…. My son’s umm ‘jewels’? were what I saw LOL. I laughed at myself for a while for that! And diaper #2… Good Lord! I’ve changed hundreds upon hundreds of diapers in my time but that was the most difficult and horrifying of all of them! I’m not going to describe it but every mom knows!

Fast forward about 4 days. It hurts to sit down on anything, I don’t remember the last time I had a shower or brushed my hair, or had more than an hour of sleep. Wonderful friends and family dropped off some food which was a life saver, but here we are at 2am, sitting in bed, both crying. I hug him so tight but this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, and he doesn’t want let me sleep! Daddy suggests a warm bath, and after we get about 3 hours of sleep.

Fast forward about 7 weeks. We’re finally getting the hang of things, he’s started to sleep through the night usually waking only once or twice to be soothed. It’s about 8pm and Isaiah’s just woken up for what will be his last feeding of the night before bedtime. He’s still drowsy so I’m holding him in my arms waiting for him to full wake up for his feed. Then I hear some grunting and the unthinkable happens next. His face is red, his eyes roll back he’s arched his whole body and stiff as a board. He’s foaming at the mouth I start to scream for my hubby, OH MY GOD. NO THIS CAN’T HAPPEN. I hold him against my body, unusually calm when the paramedics arrive after having to give them the directions to my house while this is all happening. He slowly comes back to it about 10 minutes later and we ride in the ambulance to the Children’s hospital. Despite the near foot of snow and blizzardly conditions, Daddy’s headlights are a constant reassurance shining on us through the back window. Isaiah starts to smile at the paramedics sitting by his side, like he’s the only one here who knows everything’s going to be just fine. And it is just fine. We spend 4 days in the hospital, me never leaving that room for more than 5 minutes and only when I had to.  My brave little man was a trooper!

Fast forward about 12 weeks. The ups and downs of learning the ropes with a newborn has been quite a ride! Lots of incredible moments, and lots of “I’m emotionally losing it” moments. Do I still have those fears I had 30 weeks ago? I sure as heck do! But I always remind myself how incredibly lucky I am. The little socks in the laundry remind me, the clutter of toys and bottles reminds me, the late night wakings even remind me. But that fear and worry still hits me sometimes, it feels like such a sinful thought to think heaven forbid anything ever happen to him.

The best thing I know how to do to keep those thoughts out of my mind, remind myself how lucky I am. Make sure he constantly knows how much I love him. Hug him tight everytime I think of it. Each time I lay him down for a nap, kiss him on the forehead. “Sweet dreams, Mommy loves you forever and ever.”

Santana ♥

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No regrets!

"Life is about laughing and living in good and bad times, getting through whatever comes our way, and looking back with a smile!"  Unknown

I have always taken opportunities by the head and ran with every experience that has ever presented itself to me. I was presented with an amazing, well what I thought was amazing, opportunity after john and I were married and I took that opportunity and ran with it. People told me I was crazy and that I would regret the choice I was making. But I don't believe in regrets I don't regret anything I do and if I am unhappy with a choice I make I try to learn from it but I never have regretted a choice I have made, definitely not this one! :)

A few years ago my wedding photographer, Cassandra at Candid Apple Photography in Kelowna BC, and I were talking about trashing my wedding dress as it is something that had always interested me. I gave her some ideas I had and she was all for it!! So it was done set I was trashing my wedding dress! I know a lot of people have done this over the past few years but its typically something that can be fixed or dry cleaned. I decided that if I was doing this that it was going to be something id always remember! And well its definitely an experience ill never forget and when I look back at the opportunity I wouldn't change a bit of it! :)

A lot of people cant believe that I actually ruined my dress to a point of no return. I don't regret it one bit. That photo shoot had to be one of the most amazing memories I have. Not to mention the amount of fun I had and how many people can say that they wore their wedding dress for more then one day! People now ask well what if Anya wanted to wear it, what happens when she gets married and says "mommy I want your dress". I'd be beyond flattered if Anya ever wanted to wear my wedding dress but lets be honest in twenty to thirty years when Anya gets married she's not going to want to wear my wedding dress. She's going to want her own dress to make her own memories in!

We did a few photos at the beginning of just me in the dress just to remember how awesome my dress was before we trashed it. John did the photo shoot with me which made it that much better!! :)

I should probably mention that it was November when we did this photo shoot so the moment that paint hit our skin it froze and boy was it ever cold out! Cold or not it was still a lot of fun and the pictures we got were really awesome too!!

"In the end we only regret the chances we didn't take!" Unknown

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Soul mate ♥♥♥

"He's more myself then I am. Whatever our souls  are made of, his and mine are the same!" Emily Bronte

I think it's time to share a little about the person I was made for. The one person who I know will always have my back no matter what, the person who has carried me through some of the hardest times in my life, my husband!

I believe in soul mates. I believe that if you just listen to your heart you'll learn amazing things! I believe in fate and that EVERYTHING happens for a reason.

Going back six year I was 19 fresh out of high School living with my best friend and boyfriend, life was great! I had promised a friend of mine that year that for her 18th birthday I would take her to Calgary we had stopped talking for about 3 months but something was telling me I needed to go anyways. While making my work schedule I called and asked if she still wanted to go and well it was a given she said yes. I had one friend in Calgary, yes one, and I didn't even talk to him often so don't know what was making me feel like I needed to go but for some reason the thought of going consumed me.

January 2008 I left my boyfriend for a week and my girl friend and I flew to Calgary to spend some time with this friend of mine, she was in love with him. I walked in the to a house full of boys, I think I got myself into some trouble was the first thought. We spent all of ten minutes talking with the boys before I pulled my friend aside and told her I was going to spend the rest of my life with john. She looked at me baffled, "you haven't even had a ten minute conversation with the guy." That didn't matter just looking at John I smiled. There was an uncontrollable force that I immediately caved to.

I know what your thinking and yes I had a boyfriend, so I spent the next few days getting to know John and trying to get a hold of my boyfriend. Halfway through my holidays I got a call from my roommate and she informed me that my boyfriend had multiple girls at my house in my room for the past few days while I was gone. Typically I would have been hurt by this but I told him to make sure he was out of my house when I got home and I decided to make a move on John! I went home from that trip and made plans to move from BC to Calgary. I never believed in soul mates before but meeting John changed everything.

Over the past six years John and I have gone through things that would typically tare a relationship apart. We have been broken down and built each other back up on more then one occasion. John brings out the very best in me and is always finding new ways to make me smile! In the first year of our marriage we went through the top three things they say should break a marriage. Buying a house, losing a loved one, then losing a child all things that should have tore us apart but instead they brought us closer together.

A friend of mine shared something with me that I feel was made for John and I!

"He's not perfect and you aren't either , and the two of you will never be perfect. 
But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice,
And if he admits to being human and making mistakes, 
Hold onto him and give him the most you can!
He isn't going to quote poetry, he's not thinking about you every moment,
But he will give you a part of him he knows you can break. 
Dont hurt him, Dont change him, dont analyze, and dont expect more than he can give.
Smile when he makes you happy, Yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when hes not there. 
Because perfect guys dont exist, But there's always one guy perfect for you"  Bob Marley

John has gone through some tough battles in his life even before met him. The battles he has gone through are things that sometimes can kill a person. These battles have taken John and he has let them mold him into the most beautiful, caring and thoughtful person I know. I can't even begin to explain the amount of love I have for this man. He constantly is finding ways to make me smile and laugh. He always looking out for me and making sure I'm happy, he takes care of me even when I don't take care of myself! And I still to this day after 6 years get butterflies when I know he's on his way home from work!

 Now the love I had for John before having Anya was awesome and I never thought that it was even possible to love him more then I already did. But when I saw him look at Anya the first time. When I watch him talk to her and kiss her tiny little face. When I see her look at her daddy when he comes home from work and the biggest smile takes over her adorable little face. When I see all this the love I felt for John before feels so tiny and almost like nothing compared to the love I have for him now. This love is not even explainable in anyway. I can't even begin to compare it to anything else I have ever felt before! Seeing the man you love share a bond with you that only you two feel is amazing and I couldn't imagine sharing that feeling with anyone but John!



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